Open Hands Part 2

"And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?" ~ Chris Tomlin

I love these words. They are so encouraging and so true. When God, the creator of the universe, is on your side, there is nothing that can overpower Him. HOWEVER, as I have seen so clearly over the past few months, there is never a time when the enemy tries harder to destroy us than when we are attempting to faithfully carry out God's plan. So while we cling to the promise that God will sustain us, protect us and guide us, we are fully aware that we've just stepped onto the front line of a battle that we could never win alone.

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I met Leslie for the first time at the pregnancy center in mid-June. On my fifteen-minute drive to the center, my heart was beating a mile a minute. I felt like I was getting ready to go on a blind date or something (I've never been on one, so I'm just guessing...). I had no idea what she looked like; I hadn't even talked to her on the phone.

All my anxieties seemed to disappear when I met her. She looked 'normal'; she was sweet & polite. Not the 3-headed monster I evidently thought was going to walk through the door. We talked about how things would be...the holidays, the birthdays, the "family time". It seemed like a match made in heaven. She wanted a family and we wanted to be that for her. We planned to have her move in within the next couple of weeks. We exchanged numbers and hugs and went our separate ways. I was so excited...this was really happening!

Before we knew it, move-in Saturday had come. She would be here by dinner time! Leslie and I exchanged several texts that day, and the kids could not wait to meet her. Several hours passed and I hadn't heard an update from her. She wouldn't return my texts and wasn't answering my phone calls. All of those warm and fuzzy feelings were turning into anxiety and fear. Something wasn't right, I could feel it in my heart. Six p.m, 7 p.m., 8 p.m...still no Leslie and no calls. I had to put the kids to bed and try to explain to them why she wasn't here. And I didn't have an answer. My head was spinning with thoughts about what might have happened. Was she okay? I knew she was in a potentially dangerous living situation...would someone hurt her? Or did she get cold feet and run? I called the director of the center, who called some coworkers, who called some other friends looking for any lead as to where Leslie might be. Nothing. By now it was almost midnight, so I went up and sat on her bed and prayed. I prayed that she was safe and that she would come back to us - that she would know that she could come back.

We got up and went to church the next day. My heart was so heavy. I just didn't get it. Why did God call us to do this, bring us this far, and then seem to abandon us? For the first time in my life, I honestly questioned Him. How could this be His plan?

Days went by and I still hadn't heard any news on Leslie. I texted a couple of times to reassure her that if she needed more time to decide if she wanted to move in, she could have it. We wanted her and we loved her...even if she ran away from us. We were still waiting with open arms. A friend who has had experience with similar situations counseled me to "give up". If Leslie wanted to get a hold of me, she could. She had my number...she knew how I felt about her. I took that advice and finally stopped trying to contact her. I had come to terms with the reality that this just wasn't going to happen. I even started thinking about the 'positives' to her disappearance. I could still have my happy little Christian bubble of a home. I wouldn't have to give up a bathroom and share ours with three kids! The bonus room would be awesome for house guests...yes, this wasn't so bad after all. I started to feel...relieved.

Thursday rolled around and I went out to do some errands. I reached in my purse to grab my keys and pulled out a little piece of paper that had Leslie's name and number on it. I still have no idea where it came from...I don't remember ever having her number on anything other than my phone. I think I stared at that paper for about 5 minutes. I was overwhelmed with the need to call her one more time. It's like God told me to pursue her...to not give up. After all, He doesn't give up on us. Even when we run in the opposite direction of his open arms, He waits, calling us back to Him. So I dialed. And after three long rings, this time there was an answer...